One more semester to go, and I am out of steam!

Wisdom: People are to be loved, things are to be used.. sadly in the world today... is the opposite

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In my whole life now, I had made a lot of mistakes... making wrong decisions and doing wrong things at the wrong time... I really not sure whether how all this happens,

maybe because I am not a good decision maker,

or maybe I am too egoistic and too egoistic that I don’t have the guts to admit my mistake and proceeding doing the mistake...

or maybe I am just stubborn and would wanted to learn from my past mistakes

or even maybe I am just a loser who don’t know how to plan my life and don’t know what I wanted for my life...

I regret lots of my past action... but that does not mean I had learnt from it...

yes mistake..!

funny right?

just like now... studying, I am getting my degree soon, in some time around September this year (congratulation to myself), but still now I am struggling in between going out for job or continuing my studies...

I got many responses from people around me, some thinks that studying is good as the economic is going down this year and recession is happening all around, thus many people will be losing their job

some also think that what is the point of studying more and more, is time consuming and not forgetting money wasting... recession is coming does not mean we can’t get a job... just that the salary would not be that good only..

that is why I am having a big dilemma now... what to do? which to choose? how should I go next? where should I aim at next?

I got a degree later on that some how for me now it seems like a worthless piece of paper that I had paid almost 30K for! Not forgetting 3 years of my life... well having a degree is better than no I guess...

From what I heard, I can feel that working and jobs market are getting more and more competitive... lot of people is aiming for a same job, and some even might have better qualification than me...

some even from oversea and sadly Malaysia’s employer tends to favour the oversea graduates more than local graduates...

I like to choose to try my luck out there, try to get a job, mediocre pay is okay just as long as it can meet my monthly expenses... but then I am afraid that I will end up not getting one later on and being jobless...

Thus thinking of taking a new course to upgrade my skills and increase my ’ value ’ ... but I don’t have a good financial support... parents money... I know they can support me... but also still a big burden right.... sigh

20+ already and still living with parents money where else all my other siblings are working already and worst part is they are younger and I am the eldest...

If only life is easy and comes with button and remote control like in movie Click for us to control it...

then there would not be any worry about my future... and how should I be able to have my own career later on...

looking at my past self and current self I really feel like crying and covering my face...

I am not motivated,

no spirit,

no determination,

no whatsoever now...

I know what you all might think now after reading this...

that I am a big fat ugly...

LOSER