I know you all have been very bored with all my life stories... and all those mumbo jumbo bullshits I had been talking about in the last few posts... okay.. a little bit rest from all of it... here are some jokes...
but some are kind of dirty... haha.. please don’t come after me with razor sharp machette if anyone of you all feel offended after reading it... because I am dying to die know.. killing me would do me a great favour 
The Emotion Party
A lady is throwing a party where each guest shows up as their favorite emotion. A guest arrives dressed in green. "Envy!" she says, and lets him in.
A lady comes dressed in red. She says, "Anger!" and lets her in.
Two naked guys walk up to the front door. One guy is holding a bowl of pudding with his penis stuck in it, and the other guy has his penis in a hollowed-out pear.
"Wait a minute," she says to them. "This is supposed to be an emotion party!"
The first guy says, "Yeah, and I’m f**king dis-custard."
The second guy says, "And I’m deep in dis-pear."
John & Sam
Two neighbors, John and Sam, are always competing.
One day John looks over the fence and spies Sam’s wife, naked, watering the garden. When Sam gets home from work, John brags to him that he’s seen his wife naked.
Sam wants revenge, so that night creeps over to John’s yard and catches sight of John’s wife performing oral sex.
The next day, Sam approaches John at the mailbox. "Hey, I saw your wife performing oral sex on you last night."
"Ha ha, the joke’s on you," John says, "I wasn’t home last night!"
What Men Need Most (Ouch!)
A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a trim before the next day’s meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.
’’I’m afraid not, sir,’’ the clerk told him apologetically, ’’but down the hall is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.’’ Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whir. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life. Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, ’’Manicures - 25 cents.’’
"Why not?’’ thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out and they were perfectly manicured. The next machine had a huge sign that read, ’’This Machine Provides What Men Need Most When Away from Their Wives -- 50 cents.’’ The salesman looked both ways, put in fifty cents, unzipped his fly and stuck his penis into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony. Fifteen seconds later it shut off and, with trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his penis...with a button perfectly sewn on top.
Man vs. Woman
Woman:
Attempt to wake husband. Feed baby. Make breakfast. Change baby. Wake kids. Dress kids. Walk dog. Feed baby. Drive kids to school. Drag husband out of bed. Do laundry. Iron clothes. Clean house. Make husband lunch. Feed and change baby. Clean house again. Walk dog again. Pick up kids. Pick up school stuff. Clean up dog’s mess. Make dinner. Call repair man, plumber, electrician, and exterminator. Swat flies. Yell at kids. Put kids to bed. Change baby. Go to Wal-Mart to stand on line for three hours to get one bag of chips for husband. Clean house again. Go to bed. Get up. Comfort baby. Let dog out. Change baby. Let dog in. Get 10 minutes of sleep.
Man:
Sleep. Go to work. Sleep. Drink coffee. Have wife pick up. Watch football and drink beer. Fall asleep. Go to bathroom. Lift one heavy object for begging wife. Go to bed. Yell at wife to feed baby.
W.I.F.E
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their jobs. One guy says, ’’I’m a YUPPIE...ya know...Young, Urban, Professional. The second guy says, ’’I’m a DINK ...ya know...Double Income No Kids.’’ They asked the woman, ’’What are you?’’
She replied... ’’I’m a WIFE...ya know... WASH, IRON, FUCK, ETC.’’
The Ultimate for all the jokes today...
Mom + Dad - Rubber = U
all jokes are from comedy central
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